Fear, Trust and an Epic Fail

W is not keen on the dark, spiders, being upstairs on his own, or how the bathroom looks when the light is off and you walk past it.

A bit of tough love is needed.

W is marooned in the bathroom shouting that he won't make the 15 step walk to his bedroom unless I go to collect him. I'm stood by the door to his bedroom, shouting encouragement with such gems as :

"Take 5 steps and you'll be able to see me!"
"I'm right here darling"
"It's the same as the day only a bit darker!"
"There's nothing to be scared off, you can do it"

There's a scream and the bathroom door slams. My tough love weakens as I hear wracked sobs and I head to investigate.

"There's a huge spider!" he gasps through the tears.

"No, no, don't worry it's just your imagination. There isn't a ........ Oh."

At this point (note: I'm not a fan of spiders either) a massive, genuinely big, 12cm leg-span monster house spider legs it across the dark hallway. I dart for the light and the cat comes to help. I'm frantically trying to locate a cup while the cat helpfully bats the spider in my direction. I find myself in the bathroom, grabbing a beaker when the cat literally shoves the spider towards where W and I are standing.

W leaps on the bath side with a full-on scream of sheer panic. I pointlessly say "It's fine love, don't worry" as if he might believe me. I flap ineffectually at the spider with a book until the spider eventually realises that the cat is marginally less scary (annoying?) than the insane woman with a book and a cup and screaming child... and he heads back out to the hall.

Cup over spider, out of the window, job done. W took 10 minutes to calm down, all the while sobbing "I told you it was scary, there was a huge spider".

We may have trust issues, going forward.

Friends, the Best Medicine

When you've got a boy missing his best friend, 2 clear days and a YHA card that needs using it's a no brainer.

We hopped in the car and headed to the amazing New Forest YHA for a quick south coast visit to our fabulous friends who moved away a year and half ago. Their son is a carbon copy of K and as well as it being a joy for the kids to spend time together, there's also a big dose of comfort in comparing notes and finding that our families go through things in perfect sync. You do so much more comparing with your eldest - with W, however old he is, I've already had a boy of his age so I'm just that tiny bit more clued up than I am with K!

I digress - I wanted to gush about the YHA. Amazing properties, polite and friendly young people and cheap. What more could you want? We camped in a palatial pre-pitched tent which was supplied with beds and bedding and of course access to a kitchen and proper showers. Possibly the laziest camping experience of my life. It was bliss. The boys couldn't believe there was a lounge with a TV they could use in the hostel (don't judge me too harshly, it was 6am and preferable to them bickering in the tent!)

It was a fabulous 2 days with friends. We relaxed, we went on walks, spotted fish, played in the park and went crabbing. I wish I wasn't so clumsy as I would have loved to get some crabbing photos but I'm not to be trusted with a phone anywhere near water. Even toilets.

We're back and the boys are wiped out - in a good way. It'll take us a few days to catch up on sleep but it was well worth it. Friends are good for the soul.

Still Waters

With the summer hols upon us we moved from structured to semi-structured HE, a state which held for the best part of 5 days before we went all de-school-y and threw the timetable (literally) out of the window. (It fell of the fridge and blew out onto the patio).

Any nods to the ed of home ed then? There have been a few, albeit rather half-hearted. They're the sort of nods of acknowledgement you'd give a friend's son's friend's mum when you wheel past each other in the fruit aisle at Sainsbury's. We've plugged on with maths (almost) daily and our weekly literacy and Art/DT have remained mostly in tact.

Interesting developments though. W is doing fine but doesn't thrive on the lack of structure and is looking forward to a proper timetable in September.

K, on the other hand, has had a bit of a meltdown.

I've seen a lot of discussions on the forums about how essential many families find a de-schooling period when they leave mainstream schooling. For some it's a permanent state and defines their home education. The LA use the term as well; in the HE community I'm taking it to mean a complete departure from organised education and a focus on the child following their own interests at their own pace. So you could say that this summer holidays, we've de-schooled.

Picture a typical summer's day: playing in the garden, a bit of baking, writing a letter, making lego. Pick a minuscule, irrelevant trigger - anything will do: 'no' to the TV being on / W touched K's swing / assigning chores. Cue a highly-out-of-proportion tantrum from a 9 year old.

K goes off to his room to calm down and I head up after a cooling off period to see if we can get to the bottom of the episode. I just sat and listened and a lot of stuff came out. A volcano of hurt and upset:

Missing his friends desperately (the ones who have moved away). Being pushed out of the huddle at PE. Always being the one to step aside. Never being captain. Not fitting in. Being invisible. Having his hand up and not being picked.

I've been judgmental about a more relaxed approach to HE thinking we didn't need a de-schooling period. Longer term, our family will still need structure. But I'm feeling humble about the benefits of taking the pressure off completely.

My little boy needs a break.

Under Seige

A short, hate-filled post on cause and effect.

1. Aphids land on the green gage tree which sits between swings, trampoline and slide.

2. Wasps like to eat aphids.

3. Hundred of wasps swarm on the gage tree.

4. We can't go in the garden.

5. We spend yesterday entertaining ourselves indoors shooting evil looks at the wasps.

6. K can't settle at bedtime as he's been cooped up indoors.

7. 11pm, still up.

8. He's tired, I'm tired.

9. Today is going to be a looooooooong day.

Stupid wasps.

Is it Home Ed?

Now we're getting into our summer stride it's tricky to work out what's home ed, what's holiday fun and what's regular family stuff. (I wish family stuff was the same as holiday fun. I tried to pull a Mary Poppins and convince the kids that dusting was fun. Failed.)

We've gone from structured HE to semi-structured HE for the summer hols and it's liberating and confusing in equal measure : a line has been blurred.

Last week we spent a fabulous day with friends at a National Trust property. Here are two versions of what happened; my perspective is in italics and the boys' version is in courier.

We visited Waddesdon Manor. On the way we discussed divergent thinking and came up with as many ways as possible to use a paperclip to stretch our creative brains. 

We made up ways to make weapons out of paper clips.

When we arrived we met up with our friends, caught up on each others' news and went on a shuttle bus. 

Said hi, sat at the back of the bus.

When we arrived we looked at Vasconcelas' candlestick installation identifying it as modern art and discussing what it might look like at night. We looked at the symmetry of buildings and talked about Victorian Gothic architecture. 

We ran along the grass and saw wine bottles made into a tower and a big yellow house.

We practised map reading and sign reading skills. We read menus, ordered food and the boys had their own table to talk and socialise over lunch. 

Ate sandwiches in the cafe. No-one liked the yoghurt.

Afterwards we headed to the woodland play park and explored. There was excellent risk assessment in action during tree climbing, collaboration on the spinner and an abundance of team work when other children spontaneously joined them to design and build a den out of sticks. Sharing sweets, negotiation and great manners - tick. They developed their den to include seats, shelf, a secret hiding place and entry password. 

We played at the park, climbed a tree and built a den with some other children. It was fun.

We stopped for an ice-cream which the boys bought independently, working out the costs and change for 4 cones with a flake.

We had ice-cream and got chased by a wasp. 

Being solely responsible for the boys' education piles on the pressure to see everything as an opportunity for learning, analysis and extension. 

Thirsty? Of course darling, what's the chemical symbol for water? 

Biscuit? No problem. If I have 11 in a packet and we eat 2 each how many will be left?

It's a bore. I'm a bore. Some things are just fun, like friends, parks and ice cream.

I shouldn't moan because it sums up the reason HE is working for our family right now. The contextual learning, the confidence building and the socialisation all happens in the course of our normal life and adventures. 

As my own confidence builds I'm looking forward to relaxing into our new rhythm and putting my 'What Are We Learning' checklist down.