Youth of Today

I'm a bore about youth hostels but I really love them.

We go away super-cheaply to interesting places, meet interesting people and the boys get the kind of freedom and independence that it's hard to replicate elsewhere. It's like a summer camp. The boys hang out in the lounge or games room, they have to do their own washing up and keep track of their things. They strip their beds and sweep up when we leave.

Our favourite one is in the New Forest. You can stay in a pod, camp on the field or stay in the house; there are walks on the doorstep and the coast only a short drive away. There's an amazing tree for climbing, a cat that lives a little way down the road and horses that are slightly over familiar. What's not to love?

It might be December but you only know for sure that you have home ed kids if they're bare foot in the depths of winter on a beach.

Feels like Summer

The sun came out so a day at the beach was in order.

We'd been to a swimming pool that morning which turned out to be exclusively flumes - an awesome, extraordinary thing which I didn't know existed. Half the slides were outdoors and although the sun was out it was more for appearance than for temperature - it felt like a quintessentially British thing to be in nothing but swimming things, soaking wet, stood outdoors queuing for a slide in a brisk north easterly breeze ... and still call it fun.

We had a great time but were sorry there was no regular pool for a splash about. Lucky we were by the coast and nature kindly provided the largest, chilliest pool we could ask for - it even had a wave machine.

Despite the beautiful weather and calm seas we were alone on the beach except for the lifeguards so we enjoyed the exclusivity on this stunning bit of coastline. We collected shells, buried ourselves in the sand and had a swim which I'll call refreshing, but I suspect in other circles would be better described as fricking freezing, or borderline insane.

Brush and Ride

We popped in to the stables next door to the campsite we were staying for a night. The guys there managed to squeeze us in and I was so grateful as we had an incredible morning.

The boys were camping-tired which is a special sort of tired which involves being happy and grumpy at the same time. Too tired to manage polite conversation or help with the washing up but still able to shimmy up a tree or race around a campsite at the sight of a dragon fly.

The boys have sat on a horse once before but they don't remember it so to all intents and purposes this was their first horsey experience. Rather than just sit on and go, they had to brush and prepare the horse and then tack up, giving them a chance to get to know their new friend.

Our instructor Sue was boundlessly enthusiastic and explained the differences between classic and Western riding, how to brush and tack up the horse, where to stand, which bits to avoid, how to clean hooves and how to speak to the horse. Preparation complete they mounted Honey and Tilly and off we went.

It was an excellent lesson. They walked, steered, did challenges, trotted and went from zero to looking basically competent in under an hour. Physical co-ordination isn't W's strong suit but with patient instruction he got the hang of the controls on this new vehicle, mastering acceleration, steering and even braking (eventually). They both loved it and are looking forward to another lesson next time we're in the area.

What was the best bit? I ask as we drive away.

K's horse stopped for a massive wee and W's had gas. Cue uncontrolled giggling.

You can lead a horse to water ...

Little Miracles

After two weeks missing, presumed gone forever - Whiskers the hamster returned!

He was found in a box in the garage, which we presume he fell into from the rafters having crawled through the floor space above.  Dehydrated, dusty, considerably slimmer and looking as shocked as we were - but otherwise alive!

Not much else to say except : wow.

He might be just a rodent but in our house he's now a legend.

Comfort Zones, Stepping Out Thereof

The focus of our efforts this year for K has been confidence and for W - challenge.

The perfect test for whether we've made progress since Easter : Quad biking.

W is used to things being easy and he gets frustrated if he can't quickly pick up a skill or idea. Also noteworthy are W's excellent fine motor skills which contrast dramatically with his gross motor. When he learnt to climb stairs he did it in one go. No practice, no building up slowly. He'd never climbed the stairs but one day my little toddler decided it was time and crawled up at top speed, stopping only when he reached the top and head butted the wall with extraordinary force. As he fell backwards into my arms past my horrified face I had a glimpse of the shock and hilarity of what life with W would bring.

Bike riding was another challenge. Weeks and months of patient attempts came to nothing but tears, frustration and declarations of the bike's obvious stupidity. We abandoned it: "He'll learn when he's ready" we said, in defeat. The bike returned to the shed and lay untouched until a visit to Wales, months later. We got the bikes out, had a cup of tea and steeled ourselves for spending the next few days cajoling, encouraging and reprimanding uncooperative bikes. I stood at the kitchen window, deep breath.

He did a short stretch with S running alongside. Then he was gone, off into the distance. 45 seconds was all it took. W can ride a bike.

This child is binary, it's 0 or 1.

So my apprehension as I stood in the waiting area for quad biking was palpable. I know what we're up against but I have cheery determination. One challenge at a time.

Challenge 1: W hates new things ("I don't want to quad bike."). You don't know you've never done it; we're here now, it's paid for and you might love it. It's happening, go with the flow.

Challenge 2 : W hates helmets. And safety vests. (and harnesses and wellies and things that are too tight, or too loose, or scratchy). I'm a pro at getting W into safety equipment now, it's an essential skill: I ignore complaints and enthusiastically point out the amazing level of adjustment, making a rapid sequence of unbelievably tiny changes until W's anxiety abates and he accepts the kit.

Challenge 3 : W's co-ordination is not his strong suit. He finds it tough to control 2 things at once at a gross motor level until he's got the feel for it, then he'll look at you like it was the easiest thing in the world.

The boys are queued up and one by one they do their test lap. One by one they make it look easy. I notice W is the littlest of the group by some margin. I'm taking deep breaths and being unseasonably cheery, internally willing everything to go our way. I know he can do it. He's last to go.

W flunks it. Badly. He can go forward, but not turn. He can't control the throttle. He finishes an agonising lap by crashing into another go kart as the instructor pulls the safety cord.

Challenge 4 : Humiliation. Hot tears fill his helmet and my heart breaks. We're down but not out; this is the toughest challenge W needs to face.

The antidote to humiliation is kindness and its presence changes the course of our morning. The boss, Tim, doesn't like seeing 8 year olds cry and he's only there today to oversee a new employee so he's got time on his hands. He's patient, he's kind and he's our hero. He shows us the garage bit where they fix the quad bikes, sets up some cones there and teaches W the controls. In less than 5 minutes, W is back on the course and has another go. He's got the hang of it, and loves it.

W faced a lot of challenges in one morning but with a little help, he rose to all of them; there was no giving up. When it comes to challenges, that's all you can ask.

PS. I want to hug Tim.

PPS. More to follow on K's confidence later, but check out that smile! He had such a great time.

Social Norms

Socialisation is still the 'go to' issue that rears its ugly head when people ask how Home Education is going. It's all very well getting one on one tuition ... I can see how it would work academically... but what about the social aspect? I mean, really, how can they be normal if they don't go to school?

As time passes it's getting harder to be polite about it : after you've been asked the question for the fiftieth time you get bored of answering.

I have begun to think of it as a tombola; I spin my cognitive wheel and pick an answer :

1. Socialisation is the process of disseminating customs, norms and ideologies and the ones in accord with our family values are best found in museums, the great outdoors and art galleries (I'm an arse)

2. School is an authority based structure which bears little resemblance to the real world and children are forced into a narrow social situation for which they may or may not be developmentally ready (I'm a gigantic arse)

3. We do loads of activities (I'm a bit defensive)

4. School is not the only place to gain socialisation and frankly I provide wonderful socialisation opportunities for the children (I'm very defensive)

5. There's a thriving home ed community (It's true but we're not fully integrated yet)

6. We socialise with a waaaay more diverse set of people than at school (I'm 5. Nur de nur)

7. None of your business (You're the 8th person to ask today)

8. We follow the National Curriculum for Socialisation (I'm being sarcastic)

9. Social children do well at school; less social children don't - I have less social children (I'm being honest)

10. If school is the best place to learn social skills then every adult must have amazing social skills (She shoots, she scores. Boom)

It's not big or clever, but hey, you've got to make your own fun.
Especially when you are missing out on playground politics to keep your social skills sharp.

Social Animal

Since we went HE K has progressed leaps and bounds in terms of his willingness to interact with people he meets along the way. Only a few months ago, there was no natural interaction with unknown children or adults when we went on outings. He always needed encouragement.

It's a whole different world now. I see blossoming.

At swimming, K made friends with a slightly older girl and played catch for ages. At Crocodile World he was chuffed to bits when a boy he has seen at free running called him the Parkour Master, and he played with a big group of mixed age boys at the playground.

Another swimming outing and K politely explained to a dad that his child has pinched his swimming toy. At Jump In, two of the jump crew lads started a game of dodgeball with K&W, just for kicks - they had a ball (literally). At Explore Learning I was telling one of the tutors about the joys of Jump In and K asked if he could tell the story. At parkour he asked the instructor whether he would spot his backflip after the lesson and got the answer 'yes', it made his day.

He'll talk to adults and children and expect to be heard. He knows he can handle himself and explain himself (in his careful, quiet way!) in any situation. It might not be a big deal for lots of children but for K it's epic and I couldn't be prouder.

Weekly Roundup

There's not a lot of Home in our Home Ed at the moment. So many outings and classes I'm clocking up miles on the car. It feels like a typical HE week - the plan lies in tatters but we headed off on some interesting tangents.

It started tough - the back to school facebook photo frenzy causing ripples of self-doubt, a major not-back-to-school wobble wondering if I'd planned enough and whether I had all my resources in place.

Worries unfounded; it's been a productive, eye-opening week. Here's how it looked.

Monday
30 mins of maths.

K then focussed on averages and did some online games while W did 'ou' spellings from his literacy book.

Learnt about cloud types and names with some great Twinkl resources and MET office printouts.

Walked the dog - climbed trees, threw sticks and cloud spotted.

Tuesday
30 mins of maths.
K did prepositions and pronouns while W did apostrophes. Backed up with some Bitesize games.
2 hour specialist parkour class for K while W did Explore Learning.
Sums challenge (quick fire multiplication and division to colour the blocks to reveal a Minecraft picture)

Wednesday
30 mins of maths.

Outing to Crocodile World. We did a school class on habitats; the lovely expert also let the kids hold a python and stroke a baby alligator. Absorbed loads of info on crocodiles, alligators and caiman and met a massive tortoise.

Thursday
Outward bound day (1 of 2) - archery, climbing, canoeing.
Major wins: meeting some fabulous HE families with kids the same age, I learnt a lot from them. W having a serious wobble about climbing but with a little encouragement from the instructor he pulled it together and kept going. K making a new friend in the first 2 minutes of arriving. Awesome.
After canoeing the instructors let the boys jump into the lake from the jetty. Next week is caving, sailing and bushcraft - we can't wait.

Friday
Making a movie with stills and audio in Movie Maker.
Sending an email with an attachment to Daddy - basic email etiquette, proof reading.
30 mins of maths.
Writing a postcard to Ralf in Germany (from Post Crossing) - remembering captial letters and full stops.
Handwriting improvement - workbook, getting those js to sit right!
Introduction to chess.
Confidence class with a behaviour consultant.
K headed to free running to practice back flips while W had some Daddy time.
Rounded out the week snuggled on the sofa for a family movie.

Feeling Lucky

It's only 10.30am and already it's been an emotional day.

I saw children on their way to our old school this morning and found it incredibly hard. Are we doing the right thing? Are the boys missing out? Is this really happening? It was easy to finish off last year HE. It's much harder to start a new year HE and I wasn't expecting that. I miss seeing other mums and catching up on summer holiday adventures over coffee.

I asked the boys how they felt. "Fine, Mummy" was the reply with a pair of shrugs - they tell me they are not bothered about going into a new class or meeting a new teacher. They're just excited to be in a new year and W desperately wants to know if he's now tall enough to go without a car seat ("Keep eating your vegetables darling..")

On the way to their art lesson K said he feels his luck has changed. "How so?" I ask. In his typical chatty fashion he gives me a long winded reply but the gist is this : He always felt unlucky - like he'd never be picked or never get the things he wanted. Lately though he feels lucky; he said he hopes for the best and quite often it happens.

I could cry for fear and indecision; holding the weight of the responsibility for the two most precious things in my life. I know why we're doing this. I know to trust my instinct. I know I can do it.

But there's no external measure for success. Whether it was the right thing or not will never be proven; you'll never know what might have happened if you'd done things differently.

That's the scary thing. We can only look at where we are now, what we have now, who we are now and base our decisions on that.

I'm trying not to put too much pressure on myself. Small wins are still wins.

And today, we feel lucky.

Friends, the Best Medicine

When you've got a boy missing his best friend, 2 clear days and a YHA card that needs using it's a no brainer.

We hopped in the car and headed to the amazing New Forest YHA for a quick south coast visit to our fabulous friends who moved away a year and half ago. Their son is a carbon copy of K and as well as it being a joy for the kids to spend time together, there's also a big dose of comfort in comparing notes and finding that our families go through things in perfect sync. You do so much more comparing with your eldest - with W, however old he is, I've already had a boy of his age so I'm just that tiny bit more clued up than I am with K!

I digress - I wanted to gush about the YHA. Amazing properties, polite and friendly young people and cheap. What more could you want? We camped in a palatial pre-pitched tent which was supplied with beds and bedding and of course access to a kitchen and proper showers. Possibly the laziest camping experience of my life. It was bliss. The boys couldn't believe there was a lounge with a TV they could use in the hostel (don't judge me too harshly, it was 6am and preferable to them bickering in the tent!)

It was a fabulous 2 days with friends. We relaxed, we went on walks, spotted fish, played in the park and went crabbing. I wish I wasn't so clumsy as I would have loved to get some crabbing photos but I'm not to be trusted with a phone anywhere near water. Even toilets.

We're back and the boys are wiped out - in a good way. It'll take us a few days to catch up on sleep but it was well worth it. Friends are good for the soul.

Is it Home Ed?

Now we're getting into our summer stride it's tricky to work out what's home ed, what's holiday fun and what's regular family stuff. (I wish family stuff was the same as holiday fun. I tried to pull a Mary Poppins and convince the kids that dusting was fun. Failed.)

We've gone from structured HE to semi-structured HE for the summer hols and it's liberating and confusing in equal measure : a line has been blurred.

Last week we spent a fabulous day with friends at a National Trust property. Here are two versions of what happened; my perspective is in italics and the boys' version is in courier.

We visited Waddesdon Manor. On the way we discussed divergent thinking and came up with as many ways as possible to use a paperclip to stretch our creative brains. 

We made up ways to make weapons out of paper clips.

When we arrived we met up with our friends, caught up on each others' news and went on a shuttle bus. 

Said hi, sat at the back of the bus.

When we arrived we looked at Vasconcelas' candlestick installation identifying it as modern art and discussing what it might look like at night. We looked at the symmetry of buildings and talked about Victorian Gothic architecture. 

We ran along the grass and saw wine bottles made into a tower and a big yellow house.

We practised map reading and sign reading skills. We read menus, ordered food and the boys had their own table to talk and socialise over lunch. 

Ate sandwiches in the cafe. No-one liked the yoghurt.

Afterwards we headed to the woodland play park and explored. There was excellent risk assessment in action during tree climbing, collaboration on the spinner and an abundance of team work when other children spontaneously joined them to design and build a den out of sticks. Sharing sweets, negotiation and great manners - tick. They developed their den to include seats, shelf, a secret hiding place and entry password. 

We played at the park, climbed a tree and built a den with some other children. It was fun.

We stopped for an ice-cream which the boys bought independently, working out the costs and change for 4 cones with a flake.

We had ice-cream and got chased by a wasp. 

Being solely responsible for the boys' education piles on the pressure to see everything as an opportunity for learning, analysis and extension. 

Thirsty? Of course darling, what's the chemical symbol for water? 

Biscuit? No problem. If I have 11 in a packet and we eat 2 each how many will be left?

It's a bore. I'm a bore. Some things are just fun, like friends, parks and ice cream.

I shouldn't moan because it sums up the reason HE is working for our family right now. The contextual learning, the confidence building and the socialisation all happens in the course of our normal life and adventures. 

As my own confidence builds I'm looking forward to relaxing into our new rhythm and putting my 'What Are We Learning' checklist down.

Weirdos

We are regularly reminded that our boys will not be developing social skills by being outside of mainstream school.

This is a sensitive subject because social skills aren't easily measured or assessed. There are underlying individual factors - character, genes and disposition. It's easy for people to say: "they won't develop the social skills they need" without defining the skills to which they're referring.

It's frighteningly easy to feel defensive.

To decide whether we're enhancing or diminishing the boys' social skill set there are a few considerations before we begin:

1. What are social skills?

2. How do you measure social skills?

3. Do my boys' social skills need attention?

There are lots of lengthy definitions for social skills but I like the succinct one from Psychology Today :

[Social skills are] the abilities necessary to get along with others and to create and maintain satisfying relationships. Social skills are about being able to flexibly adjust our behavior to fit a particular situation and our personal needs and desires.

A fine starting point, but good luck measuring it. 

I accept the challenge and head to point 2 : how do we measure social skills?

A key aspect of HE is the lack of competition and comparison because the focus is on the individual child but to be able to assess anything, even something as fluffy as social skills, you have to have a yardstick. 

So who or what are we assessing the boys' social skills against? Is there a model human being out there hailed as the pinnacle of socialisation to whom we must all aspire? Of course not. The biggest underlying factor by a mile is individual personality. We're not all wall flowers. We're not all the life and soul of the party.

Human diversity is layered over a simple common core. Emotions are universal; Darwin identified 6 : surprise, fear, anger, happiness, disgust, sadness. In the context of social skills what's important is how we handle those emotions, whether we can identify them in others and how we respond when they're expressed by the people around us.

Rather than looking at how an individual impacts others, which can only be observed and inferred, it makes more sense to assess social skills by looking at how an individual feels about their own interactions. In short, a person with good social skills will usually feel comfortable and capable in social situations, even if those situations are diverse, difficult or new. A person with weaker social skills may feel anxious, be unsure of how to respond and/or avoid new situations.

It gives a loose framework to assess the children by they way they speak to others, their acts of consideration, their willingness to go to new places and meet new people.

When it comes to point 3, it's getting personal. 

The boys were the same people before we took the home schooling decision however their social skills weren't judged directly because we were conforming within a well established system. Any and all personality traits were chalked up to who they are, their disposition.

Now we've left the system it's acceptable to assess the boys for social awkwardness against the backdrop of HE as a cause rather than an effect. Ouch.

I could write a book about K&W, assessing how much of their character is nature Vs nurture, why they behave as they do, which traits come from family members, experiences, failings or big high-five parenting moments or decisions, what we'd change - if anything, how they socialised at school. It would take so long that the boys would have left home before I'd finished, rendering the whole exercise pointless.

Here's the crux : my boys are not the most naturally social creatures. Like their parents they love being at home and love being with family. They prefer to have a few close friends than to be in a big group. In this respect, they are no different now to when they were in mainstream school.

There have been changes though since de-schooling and we, and our closest friends and family, have seen the boys' confidence grow. They don't feel invisible; they are asserting themselves, being more independent and interacting more confidently with children and adults.

So in answer to point 3, yes the boys' social skills need work - just like every single child and adult on the planet. We aren't teaching social skills so that K&W succeed at school. We're teaching social skills so they succeed at life.

PS. Everyone's definition of success is different. Explore your own definition here : https://www.ted.com/playlists/152/what_is_success

I'm not interested in competing with anyone. I hope we all make it. ~ Erica Cook ~

 

Background reading:

For a fantastic discussion of social skills in schools:

http://www.nasponline.org/resources/factsheets/socialskills_fs.aspx

The US Stop & Think project 

http://projectachieve.info/stop-think/stop-and-think.html

Darwin's 6 emotional states & assessing them across cultures

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/18/facial-expression-culture-_n_1434175.html

Loser!

I forgot to acknowledge a win.

It was a massive win because K was a loser. A total loser. Sunday games night - he was knocked out of knock out whist like a boxer who was knocked out in round 4.

We held our breath. Finger poised on the super-nanny speed dial. Shoulders tense as we prepare for the inevitable. Whispering 'we're playing for fun' like a mantra.

And then :

Nothing. 

No grumps. Not a grumble, not a grizzle nor a strop or a stamp. He took his loss with good grace and kept score for the rest of us.

I couldn't be prouder. Sunday evening forced-fun-time-dread has been replaced with Sunday evening forced-fun-time-fun.

Happy days!

We're All Winners

We've been scheduling forced-fun time on a Sunday.

K has many wonderful traits but one of his less endearing ones is that, to put it mildly, he is a bad loser. One hint of being the underdog he'll roll out the grumps faster than you can mutter 'don't play then'. 

The game of choice was kids' Monopoly. An easy game of chance with a bit of counting and a temperamental cash machine that either dispenses a single £1 or its entire contents.

Ignoring the 'it's not fair', 'everyone is lucky except me', 'I NEVER win' etc we carry on with grim cheery determination as W & dad win every square on the board between them and begin a property empire while K & I have £5 and one bad attitude to our name.

When K lands again on one of W's swanky hotels and duly hands over his last £5, W helpfully points out that it does include breakfast.

S, K and I all end up in prison (if the game had gone on much longer there's every chance life would have imitated art) and W also landed on the square but 'just visiting'. He said he'd brought some of the leftover muffins from one of his hotel breakfasts. Thoughtful boy.

We roll on. S loses patience, not the card game though, and I point out that the only way we'll improve matters is with exposure therapy. The only cure for bad losing may be to play more and more games of chance until you realise the odds are roughly 50/50 and it's fun anyway.

Looking forward to next Sunday evening already ... 

Caught not Taught

There's an excellent article on the BBC this week about character and how it could or should be taught in schools.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-33003958

I've mentioned it in previous posts but more the research is building up to point strongly to character and emotional resilience being better determiners of adult happiness/success (depending on which study, how you define the term, how you measure it and whether you link the two...) than intellectual ability.

It comes as no surprise that it isn't only academically clever people who are happy and successful. And yet we place an extraordinary emphasis on test performance, grade, spelling group, NC level.

It boils down to the fact that we can't measure character but we can measure levels - so to feel good about ourselves and our children we use external validation to check where we are against our peers.

Neil Gaiman is an exquisite writer, famous for his Sandman comic series, Coraline (you may have seen the film version directed by Henry Selick) and novels like Stardust. This may just be one of my favourite quotes of all time:

“I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind. They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying. They don't teach you anything worth knowing.”  ~ Neil Gaiman

None of those vital life skills can be taught discretely with a powerpoint and a worksheet. They need a deep and contextual understanding of cause and effect, analysis, compassion, a sense of self-worth, decisiveness, humility. The twist is that schools shouldn't necessarily be responsible for instilling those values - only reinforcing them. It's hard to argue that those skills and traits shouldn't originate from home. The BBC article uses a great phrase - Caught not Taught. Sums it up perfectly. And you'll catch a whole lot more if someone is taking the time to throw balls at you.

Perhaps we've had a wake up call. The vital skills needed to navigate the fragile path of life have been brought sharply into focus and I have to try and teach the boys something that will prepare them to cope, succeed and enjoy whatever life throws at them.

Antisocial Behaviour

One of the downsides of dropping out of normal schooling is the social aspect. As politely as people try to phrase it, the message is loud and clear - You're going to make your children weird and socially backward!

Oh dear, that is a worry.

Truth is though, the social element they miss out on in normal school includes its fair share of negative as well as positive aspects. Think peer pressure, teasing, being left out, having arguments, unkindness, not getting a turn, feeling stupid, not getting picked for the team etc. Now children have got to experience all of that to learn how to handle it. At some point (but hopefully not too often), children will need to know how to cope with feeling powerless, losing, rejection, teasing, being told off, other people's aggression and irrational behaviour.

We're okay with our boys experiencing those scenarios with family in normal life rather than within a school system where it can be a trial and error approach. Case in point - K would occasionally come home from school and report that he had no-one to play with at lunch. We discussed strategies - how about tomorrow you ask this child if they'd like to play, or suggest this game, ask this child for a play date, hang out in this place, or pay this child to play with you (the last one is a joke, don't write in).

Then the next day, in K goes and then out he comes a few hours later to report on the success or otherwise of whichever strategy he tried. Black box education on one of the most important skills children need.

The question isn't what they miss out on socially. It's whether you can identify and articulate the social education a child needs and then meet those needs. One by one.

So here's my quick brain dump of essential social skills for children that you get free from school but can pick up elsewhere if you're EHE:

• Finding and keeping friends
• Sharing and negotiating
• Manners
• Winning and losing
• Listening and following instructions
• Contributing and standing your ground
• Controlling feelings and accepting consequences

Great social opportunities for Home Ed families:

• Staying in, where you might see and interact with: people
• Going out, where you might see and interact with: people

I'm being facetious but the point I'm making is this: what makes the specific group of children at school so special that it's better than any other social group children can interact with? Maybe there are benefits to children interacting with a wider range of ages, cultures, situations. There are sports clubs, music and theatre groups, youth clubs, scouts, shops, parks - all full of interesting people.

This isn't rocket science. Wherever there are people you can teach your children social skills.