External Validation

So the 11+ is over, thank goodness.

I'd love to say it all turned out fine but I'm still bearing the emotional scars and I get a twitch when I think about it. K passed; he was over the moon and we were as amazed as we were delighted.

Why does it matter? He would achieve anywhere but like every child some environments make it easier than others. He's a smart, kind kid. He wants to please his teachers and is willing to work hard. He's a little awkward socially and takes time to build friendships which will be a challenge in any school but he'll overcome it. Passing gave him a wider choice of environments.

An unsettling thing about home-edding through the 11+ process was the lack of external validation. My check-and-measure-against-others security blanket evaporated when we left the playground.

I sat on my own late at night, coffee or wine in hand, trying to form plans and make arbitrary decisions on scant information. I scoured forums and trawled through council websites for guidance on exam format and the practicalities of how to book K in. I grasped desperately for tips and feedback from other mums and collared anyone foolish enough to pop in for a cup or tea or say hi on Facebook :

Which books did you buy? Is it all multiple choice? Should we pay for practice tests? Is tutoring a good idea? Is it worth the money? What are the percentage weightings by subject? Why are we putting our children through this? What might the pass mark be in raw marks? Which schools can we actually get in to? How many state kids pass? How hard is the official practice paper? Any exam tips?

I fretted about whether we were doing the right things, whether we'd started too late, whether we were doing enough in the first place and how hard to push (or not push). Trying to plan, teach, support and assess solo is hard and error-filled. The first book I bought for K to complete at the start of the summer turned out to be for the wrong exam and he had completed it before I realised my mistake. In a state of panic and shame, having wasted weeks on the wrong material, I didn't own up to anyone - I swallowed my guilt, bought the correct books and soldiered on.

I've spent time wondering how and if the home school decision impacted the 11+ outcome. At the end of year 2 K looked like a fair bet for a pass back in the days of assessment levels and progress predictions. By the time we left in year 4, he had lost academic ground and confidence in himself. Any feedback on his ability in relation to the 11+ was described as 'borderline' at best.

K has made brilliant progress in the past 19 months with his mental maths and problem solving skills and for that I'm taking HE credit as we went back to basics and played catch up. He's not a natural with numbers but it doesn't feel like wading through treacle any more. His literacy has been solid as he's an avid reader. The biggest change has been in his self-confidence : he's thrown himself into opportunities and his independence and maturity have blossomed as he's grown. Maybe that would have happened anyway.

As a structured, curriculum-based HE family it's natural to look for objective measures of progress - am I leaving gaps which will come back to bite later? Will I send the kids back to school and be called in the next week to explain to the headteacher why my sons have such glaring educational gaps / appalling social skills / terrible handwriting / no ability to speak French / all of the above? Put against the back drop of comments from acquaintances like : 'Aren't you worried he'll fall behind?' and 'But what about socialisation?' you're only human if you doubt yourself every now and then. Or daily.

Because of his interests and exacerbated by home school, K doesn't get external validation either. Normally kids get a metaphorical or literal pat-on-the-back from getting a part in the school play or being picked for the sports team or passing music exams or earning badges from Scouts. K's esteem relies on his own sense of self-worth and I'd be lying if I didn't admit that the 11+ result gave him a much needed boost. We were proud of him irrespective of the outcome of some arbitrary, divisive test, but seeing him feel genuinely proud of himself was utterly heart warming.

Still, I'm glad it's over. Until W's turn in Sept 2018....


In case the 11+ is like childbirth and becomes a hazy memory, I'm recording for my sanity :

Things that were helpful for us 

• 10 minute tests
• Reading every day
• Small rewards that built up for effort (not results)
• Doing a little work every day
• Not thinking/talking about it until the July prior
• Exercise (for stress busting)
• Putting a massive 'we're proud of you' poster in his bedroom for the summer
• Doing 1 practice test in July for a 'start point' to find any glaring coverage issues
• Teaching to the gaps to begin with - going back to basics to teach topics, not answer tricks
• Finding out how bloody difficult it was to find the right car park on practice day
• Buying really good quality pencils and a lucky eraser
• Doing 2 practice tests a couple of weeks before to check exam technique
• Packing an awesome good-luck-themed snack for in between the exams
• Wine

Things that were not helpful for us

• Crying
• Comparing kids
• Suggestions of big rewards for hard work
• Nagging
• Hearing about opinions of schools instead of facts about schools
• Stressing about speed early on in the summer
• Getting angry
• Hearing how much work other mums/kids were doing
• Swearing (a lot) in front of eldest when I couldn't find the car park on practice day and then having to apologise (a lot)
• Discussing tutoring with anyone - always left with a residual feeling of guilt that we didn't have a tutor, shock at the cost, or both
• Losing the plot on a weekly basis
• Stressing about low marks instead of actually working out where the weak spots were
• Exam tips
• Neglecting younger siblings
• Panicing on the big day and forgetting to checklist the important points (make every mark count, guess ones you don't know, if you get stuck - guess and move on)
• Running out of wine

The 11+ and Other Horrors

The title is a lie, there are no other horrors as fearsome as the 11+ which incidentally had a friendly re-brand and is now called the 'Transfer Test'.

So instead of failing the 11+ kids can now proudly say that they failed to get a STTS (Standardised Transfer Test Score) or 121 or above. Much better for self esteem.

When it comes to the 11+ the fear, loathing and responsibility is overwhelming.

Let's dive in with the cohort statistics. Out of about 10,000 children, 3,000 will be selected for grammar. The magical score children have to achieve is 121, sat on a scale of 0 - 200. Those pass numbers are skewed though because out of area applications have a much higher pass rate: perhaps if you don't live in county you only bother to take the test if you think you've got a good chance of passing. Within county, there's a pass rate of roughly 23%, so let's call it 1 in 4 children from the primaries in our area who get selected for grammar.

Looking ahead, children at grammar schools get better grades at GCSE level because only the most academically able are there. If you go to a grammar school, you have a 99% or so chance of getting A*-C in your GCSEs. In a comp, it's nearer 65% and the intake is the start point for the difference.

You'd be forgiven for thinking that unless your offspring get into a grammar then they are doomed to a life of mediocrity and low grades, which is as stupid as it is untrue. The problem is that the frenzy that parents whip up around the test can't fail to make children, and other parents, scared. Tutoring needs a blog all of its own. So does pushy parenting. But this blog is just about me and my kids so to hell with everyone else.

In order to retain some sense of sanity and order, I am repeating the following mantras:
They take the same exams whichever school they're in.
Kids with a good attitude will succeed regardless of the school they attend.

The headline is that 75% of children in our area go to comprehensives and while we have some excellent grammar schools, we have some excellent comps in our area too. Lucky us!

K is a smart kid. He works hard, questions everything and has a great memory. K is a process thinker; he likes to do one thing at time and get it perfect. He doesn't like to guess, still thinks short cuts are cheating (despite my protestations) and won't give up on a problem until he has the answer. These admirable personality traits will cost him dearly in the 11+ which relies on fast analysis, quick decisions and an ability to give rapid fire answers to rapid fire questions. Despite ability in non-verbal reasoning and literacy, K's maths is average and so the upshot is that he's a borderline case at best. It would be easier if he was a definite no or definite yes. Even if he did pass, would grammar be right for him anyway?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationnews/10328580/Weakest-pupils-suffer-crisis-of-confidence-in-top-schools.html

It's a divisive, unnecessary system I have come to hate on every level, but no one forced us to live in this county and so we have to concede that our son will end up in the school that is right for him.

The tricky thing is that K cares, A lot. He understands that this is a test that you pass or fail, however they play with the words. What child wants to fail? So as a parent even if you trust the system and allow the chips to fall as they will, you can't sit back and do nothing. You have to give them the best shot, so whatever number appears next to their name, be it 80 or 180, they can feel good about it and know they did well. I wouldn't go to an interview or test unprepared and I don't expect K to do so either but this is one single test with a score that proves only the narrowest of skill sets.

It doesn't test athletic or musical ability, kindness, science, ICT, real life problem solving, resilience, teamwork.

It's tests of character, not maths or verbal reasoning, that define success in life.