When the boys were tiny I started giving them choices. Red t-shirt or yellow? Mister Maker or Thomas? Peas or broccoli? One biscuit or two? Slide or swing?
It's pseudo-choice because the available choices were set by the grown ups; it can't be a free for all, they're only (mini)humans after all...
It's pseudo-choice because the available choices were set by the grown ups; it can't be a free for all, they're only (mini)humans after all...
Choosing is a vital life skill. Having choice is to have power over a decision. Power over a decision leads to feelings of being in control. Feelings of control lead to feelings of being empowered. Being empowered leads to good self-esteem and a strong sense of individual identity. Happy days.
Let's hop to last week. We're in the opticians. It's new glasses time and I've always (smugly) taken the approach of letting the boys have free choice on the frames because, well, they have to wear them and I mean how bad can any pair of glasses be?
K struggles a little with confidence. Internally, he's a pretty tough cookie but in the big wide world of new situations he presents as uncertain. He cares what people think but he's no sheep; he won't be persuaded to do anything he's not happy about.... and he knows what he likes.
What he likes is bright. He's the boy equivalent of a magpie. If it's shiny, big, colourful or brash he loves it.
I don't spot them in time to sneakily remove them from the display and hide them. K's eyes light up. "Those ones" he points.
Quandary.
They are multi-coloured glasses. They are truly horrible.
He tries them on. They are still truly horrible. He loves them.
I get him to try on 10 other pairs. He still loves the rainbow specs.
I frantically signal to the optician to help me out because I'm the one paying. She is a super-star (or super villain depending on your position) and tells K that unfortunately they're just not the right fit for him.
I frantically signal to the optician to help me out because I'm the one paying. She is a super-star (or super villain depending on your position) and tells K that unfortunately they're just not the right fit for him.
We compromise on K's second choice, a sky blue pair. They're still from the Elton John range but more of an everyday pair than a Saturday night pair.
So I offered pseudo choice. I'm not proud of it, but on this occasion Mama Bear won over Democracy.
P.S. W chose a leopard print pair. I suppose eyesight and fashion sense are both genetic.
P.S. W chose a leopard print pair. I suppose eyesight and fashion sense are both genetic.
For some interesting links to studies on how choice in education impacts students, see : http://www.alfiekohn.org/article/choices-children/
